Art and Your Sofa
A Guide for Non-artists, Socialites and Other “Poor Misunderstood” People to Art and Artists
Art is never created to match your sofa*
*Sofa, for the purposes of this document shall refer to your sofa, any and all of your belongings from your wall paper to your welcome mat, and from your tie collection to your dentures, from your other art works to your life in general, and from your tastes to your opinions. It was not created to amuse you, to aid in your social activities or for you to understand, incorporate into your being or speak of in any way. Doing so incidentally may result in your coming across as a pseudo-intellectual bore to artists in general, but an ill-informed, pompous prick to those whom you may aim to impress. Art, by the way was not meant to impress or to help you impress. This is not limited to the list so far stated, and the artist reserves the right to amend at will.
With utmost respect to your sofa,* art was created for some reasons that have nothing to do with you. ( No, really. It was.)
Art was created for the pleasure of the artist, be it to express, to have fun, to indulge in senses or to let off some steam, be it to practice, to hone, to learn, creation is a selfish process, and it is quite likely that the artist did not think of you in the least when it was created. Occasionally, much like masturbation, the artist may think of another person, still the act is entirely self pleasuring.
What you can do: You may ask the artist questions about the art like where to hang it. Do not ask if you don’t want to know. Having received their thoughts, it’s best to lay the conversation to rest, reserving debate for others who know as little as you do. The artist has given their knowledge and opinion. You are in their area of expertise; you are conversing with (albeit, often overworked) alchemists, and not in a place where you stand a chance. Save face. Take the high road, and let it go. You may of course, hang where you like. (Double entendre intended.) While most artists are more than willing to toss pearls before swine, they are not likely to defend their point of view, in effect, doing it twice. Pushing this, will likely result in the phenomenon known as “the artistic temperament.” You’ll have better luck checking with your mailman, house keeper, pedicurist or pet shampooer for debate. Art by the way, was not created for debate. If we wanted to yak endlessly about it, we wouldn’t bother painting it.
What you need to know about art:
You need to know if you like it and if you don’t. Take your time with that one.
What you don’t need to know about art:
Everything else. You can study the best of the best of writers, and use large art words, but God created buckshot for just this purpose. Please do not annoy the artist with any gathered information. We know, and while it’s heart warming that you’ve read a book, we could basically care less. We’d rather be making art. Guests, who you’d hope to dazzle with artistic word savvy, would likely rather be eating the main course. You also don’t need to know about our “deep inner angst.” Most of us don’t have any, and I personally am not going to make any up to please you. We don’t have time for angst. We’re working.
What artists are: We are people who like to create and do so.
What artists are not: We are not your pets. We are not to be put on display at social gatherings as a new addition to your collection. We don’t need to be “discovered” by you. We already know we’re here. We will not dress to match your sofa,* and we are not decorative accessories. Most of us do not enjoy being poked, petted or otherwise molested by strangers, be it in the name of showing our art or for the purpose of raising your social status. That’s the stuff of personal adds, not art. However, should you fancy posing, I’ll be happy to paint you poised for recognition on and of your sofa*. It’ll make your interior decorator go all a-flutter, I’m sure.
We appreciate you:
It’s nice that you like art, as many of our galleries are full and we could use the storage space. We appreciate it. We are not, however hanging art at your place in infantile ideas that it will get us anywhere socially or financially. Social and financial issues are for socialites and accountants. Again, we are artists. Hanging our art out of our site is always a risk, and one that is not taken lightly. Hours, months and years have sometimes gone into the making, and we do not relish the idea of uninvited fingering of our creations. As all museums know, acid of the hand will in the long run damage art, besides someone might sneeze on it.
Why Artists take the risk: There is a good reason that we hang our art in other places. In all likelihood, we are hanging our art at your place, because we like you. Most of us have no need to be shown, so that argument is mute. One artist (myself), has been creating art for 35 years, painting for 24 years, is known worldwide and has sold hundreds of works to many more countries than I can presently count. Basically, the favor you present is being done for you.
Any and all opinions, yeah buts, whys or other noises will be respectfully heard and promptly dismissed, unless I tire, then they’ll be dismissed before hearing, and you’ll be asked to refer to your dog shampooer.
At Your Service,
(Who at times, “shares the love” while toting a cat of nine tails.)
|“Don’t Look Back”
Acrylic on Canvas
(sold with attendant rant which they tell at social gatherings, including their audacity to rename the work. My title, which stands, wasn’t provocative enough to make for chit chat, so the painting is also known as *Electric Nude.* Sighs…so the story grows….so I nap.)